Aloneness

Aloneness
Being alone…
Being by your SELF
Being present in the quiet corners of your thoughts
Being WITH you when theres no one else physically around
Just being…in its simplest form 
Being happy with yourself
In your aloneness

Whether this is intended or just by accident
You are alone
Alone and in your world
For a moment in control of the energy around you, created by you, embraced by YOU

But, have you ever felt loneliness …
Alone with a thousand people beside you
Next to you
Touching you
Talking to you
But not connecting with you
Or you not connecting with them
Having so many there
But not really there for you…
There with you…
But not acknowledging you in their space
Your shared space
Just there…where you are
you are craving some attention

That space, my sister-friends, can be the loneliest place of them all
To feel alone in a room full of souls
Not sure if their noticing you…noticing them
Not sure if they will hear when you try to speak
Not sure if they will notice if you decide to leave
Not sure that their aware that
You are alone

-MN

Life is Remembering Lives

Live Life in Crescendo

(A repost) 

Walking briskly along the path which encircles this park, I glance at the white-haired woman sitting on the bench.

Sitting slightly stooped over with age, she raises her face to watch me pass, her warm eyes twinkling in soft reflection, a radiant smile playing on her lips.

I maintain my pace, hesitating briefly to return her smile.

Her eyes reflect a look I immediately recognize.

It is the look I bestow on women younger than myself.

It is the look of fond remembrance.

She is remembering when she once briskly walked passed an old woman.

And now that old woman is she.

I look that same way at a woman with young children, holding with one hand a wandering toddler and with the other, pushing a stroller.

I too once held small hands in mine.

I look that same way at a teenaged girl, prancing in her sleek…

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My lovely world of nightmares

Not every relationship is meant to last forever. Some people aren’t meant to stay in your life. Some people are just passing through to bring you something- perhaps a lesson you need to learn, or memory that makes you smile years later. When the time comes, it’s okay to let go and move on with your life.

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Message for a sister-friend…

Haven’t you ever known…

Have you ever known that deep hurt that creeps up on you like the unidentified stranger you’ve always read about, that willfully envelopes you, every bit of you… yet hugs you tighter than anyone you’ve ever loved…

Have you ever felt that?

Know that it comes like a long reaching arm that grips deep inside you, gets deep inside your stomach, gets right to its pitt and forces you to hold it there, hold your breath, just pause for a moment…. or two… or three…just to acknowledge that it has arrived…

Can you relate?

Felt that grip on your soul that it sometimes has, that crushes the very light that shines within you and with every touch, each touch… takes a little sliver of happiness of you… from you…

Do you know what I mean?

It comes and shreds what is uniquely you, your dreams, your talents, your hopes, your desires, your abilities, your goals, your realities, your personality, the promises and possibilities you had for your future, with every inch of YOU it takes….

It takes and tugs at you, at all of your being, until the tears that will surely flow, cannot make their way out fast enough…

Do you know what that feels like?

With every breath you take it burns, with every bit of life in you it takes, to just have life and keep breathing, to keep air in your lungs feels forced…but yet you do… YOU BREATHE

Has your heart ever hurt just to keep you alive by beating so LOUDLY… but still it beats…even more so because the pounding in your chest that signifies your life, also signifies the pace of your hurt…

I ask these questions, because it’s been asked of me…because I care… because I know this hurt and have felt its presence manifest itself in me, no matter the issue, we’ve all felt this pain.

Though I pray to God that your knowledge of this hurt only lives here… that it would only be a nightmare and one you could wake up from…but it will not reside here permanently  

-MN